Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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