Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
