Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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