if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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