I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
