tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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