Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
