I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think a kid would responsible me up
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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