C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
