Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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