im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
