i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
