You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
