my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
