im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We got so high we made milksteak
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
