In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
