my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
