I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
