my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
