sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
