I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
