So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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