I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
