oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
