this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
