Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
