He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
