yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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