Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Randomize
