Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
