She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
