I am puke
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
