just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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