please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
