i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
