He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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