At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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