My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My balls are so social today.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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