No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
