I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
