my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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