ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we should paint friendship bongs
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