You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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