He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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