Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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