At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
