How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
