Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
