I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I still have a little drunk in my system
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
