no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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