I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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