I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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