New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
