I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
