Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
