Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
