there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
