This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
