I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
