I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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