my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
