My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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