i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
