She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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