Need sex. Gaining weight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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