After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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