well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
