UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
