the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
