Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
