apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
