Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
