It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
