There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
