Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
