Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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