PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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