Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They took my balls.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
