Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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