just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
